LIQUID COURAGE

Dune Dills

Game: This is a bogus commercial for a margarita advertised as a medication.

A sad-looking woman looks out her kitchen window. Dramatic music plays.

NARRATOR
Do you ever feel depressed, overwhelmed, lonely, uninspired? Millions of Americans suffer from feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and depression.

Sad woman walks to her bathroom and opens medicine cabinet.

NARRATOR
Many medical professionals will prescribe drugs to treat these feelings, but our scientists at Hair of the Dog Industries have innovated something totally new.

Sad woman goes to her kitchen and opens the fridge. There is a fresh margarita in there.

NARRATOR
Introducing Liquid Courage! The simplest, most effective way to handle adulthood! Sold at any liquor store near you!

Woman grabs margarita and drinks it, smiling.

NARRATOR
Why take medication when you can just have a drink! Don’t spend your money going to the doctor, wasting your time at a therapist’s office, blah blah blah. They’re just going to give you some expensive medication when let’s face it, a margarita does basically the same thing. You’ll feel less depressed, more relaxed, and overall better!

Woman takes a sip and smiles.

NARRATOR
Liquid Courage! The supplement for adulthood available at any liquor store near you! This is basically a supplement for everyday life! You’ll be more confident than ever and finally have the courage to tell off that coworker you hate, or kiss that boy you like!

WOMAN
Ahh…I feel better already!

NARRATOR
We guarantee you’ll love it!

The camera switches to the woman in her kitchen, cooking dinner while her children run and scream around her. She sips her margarita, smiling.

WOMAN
(to camera)
With liquid courage, I can finally tolerate my family, even on the days they drive me insane.

Camera switches to three empty margarita glasses on the coffee table, as she sits on the couch next to her husband.

WOMAN
(slurring)
Aaand I can finally laugh at those ssstupid TV shows my husband always wants to watch.

Woman laughs and hiccups as her husband laughs and points at the TV screen, not realizing she’s wasted.

NARRATOR
And there’s more!

Screen changes to a box of patches with an image of a margarita on it.

NARRATOR
Liquid Courage is now available in patch form too, for those situations where you can’t simply walk around with a margarita!

Screen shows the woman at work with a co-worker, arm covered with patches.

CO-WORKER
Are you okay? You seem off.

WOMAN
(groggy)
I just blacked out. I don’t think I’m supposed to put six patches on at once…

CO-WORKER
Patches? Why would you need those?

Co-worker pulls a flask out of her pocket and takes a swig.

Screen changes to a margarita and the box of patches, with the woman dancing happily in the background.

NARRATOR
Try Liquid Courage today! Available at liquor stores near you for ages 21 and up! Please don’t drive or operate heavy machinery while using this product. Side effects may include loss of dignity, saying obnoxious things you don’t mean, severe hangovers, and the urge to text your exes. Try it today!

Screen changes to a box with an image of a bloody mary on it.

NARRATOR
And coming soon is our “Morning After Bloody Mary patch”, available from Hair of the Dog Industries. Order yours today!

Blackout